Lately I've been feeling a bit moody. I don't know why, but I haven't felt happy or "satisfied" with life. I've felt depressed and really moody. I've wanted to be alone and hide everything inside me. My mom has asked me several times 'what's wrong sweetie?' but I haven't been able to tell her what was really wrong... because I really don't know it myself. I have a lot of wishes and I've realized that most of them will probably never come true. It's been a heartbreaking and saddened thought for me and I don't know how to deal with it. I have changed my view on life and people around me. I have changed a lot this summer - personally. Found out what I want my life to be like and what I want in my life. I do not what something that makes me sad or frustrated or tear me down. My mom is a very wise person and I realized that I should follow some of her advise. I do not have to 'please' every person I meet. I should stick to what I want and not let everyone's problems tear me apart inside. All I want to be is HAPPY! Is that too much to ask for? This summer I changed for good! I changed to be a totally other person than I were before - I changed to be a better person and a person who put myself in the front row contrary to my 'other self'.
After this summer I'm starting Senior year of High School and it scares the hell out of me. What do I want to do after high school? This question frustrates me sooooo much. Everyone wants to know my answer to it and honestly... I don't know the answer myself. If I should follow my dream - which is impossible atm - I would apply to a university in Maryland, D.C area or California. I want to move to the states so badly. I really miss being there - this summer for instant. There's a hole in my heart and my spare time where the states belong. I miss it's presence - it sounds like withdrawal symptoms lol. One day I will leave and never come back. This I mean for sure.
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